After break ups, people have one primary goal in mind. They want to move on.

Well, I hate that phrase. I don’t think that moving on is the solution to such situations. I’ve seen many friends get their hearts broken, move on, fall in love, then get their barely mended hearts broken yet again. Come on, people. Don’t just move on. Move forward.

Most of the time, moving on means moving on to another love shackle. Enjoy the freedom brought about by God’s hand in tearing you away from a bad relationship. Don’t be so eager to move on to another project. Take this time to reflect on the reason why that didn’t work out. God is telling you something. It may be anything from, “He’s not the right person.” to “You’re not ready yet.” to “You would be penniless with 20 mouths to feed in 20 years if I didn’t snatch you out of that bondage, my child.” Be thankful.

Now, I know that it’s hard given the fact that you’ve invested so much of yourself in that old relationship. And it just plain HURTS. It’ll even be harder if you’ve been in a relationship for a long time and that’s not just because you love/d him so much. It’s because you’re no longer used to being alone.

If you’re the kind of person who cannot breathe without having someone to exchange text messages with or someone to call when you can’t sleep at night, jumping into another relationship is the most natural thing to do after a break up. That’s also the most STUPID thing to do!

Take this time to try to be a better person. Surely, there are things that you can improve on! I believe that until a person dies, he still has things that he can change in his life. So, if you’re still alive, there’s something more worthwhile to do than waste your time finding another person to latch your needy self onto.

How do you know that you’re moving forward instead of moving on? Here are a few signs.

  1. You have taken enough time to sort things out and figure out what went wrong with your previous relationship. If you still don’t understand what went wrong and what your part in it was, then don’t move onto another relationship. If you do, you’ll just make the same mistakes all over again. You may change the name that you append your Facebook status to, but the issues will be the same.
  2. You are a better person now than you were at the beginning of your previous relationship. When I say better, I don’t just mean that you feel more mature. If you started your old relationship when you were still a student, then you should start your new one when it’s the right time. If all you wanted out of the relationship was a boyfriend, start a new one when you’re set towards the right purpose. If you want a better explanation about this, click here.
  3. You are going to enter a relationship with a better person than who you were before. A BIG part of moving forward is the choice of partner. Don’t just choose anyone. It may be tempting to settle for the first one that comes along (especially if your old partner already has someone), but resist that temptation. Make sure that you’re choosing a better person than you did last time. And the best test to know if you’re with the right person is not about him/her. It’s determined by how much better you are with them in your life.

I know a lot of people who pair themselves with “bad” guys or gals after a break up as an act of open rebellion to their previous love interest, but that’s a really stupid idea. If you want to get back at the person who hurt you, the best way to do that is to be with the right person. Here’s a little dose of ugly truth,

“If he/she broke up with you or hurt you, do you think they’ll come back just because you’re wrecking your life? They made a choice to walk away. They probably will stay away! And in the off chance that they did come back, it’ll just be out of pity, guilt, or fear. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship motivated by anything less than genuine God-centered love.”

So, after a break up…

Be better.

Wait.

Choose wisely the next time.

Don’t just move on.

Move forward.

And that’s my two cents on that.

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